i'm down on my knees.

your words.
cause me to bleed.
am i supposed to be alright with it?
how am i to be alright if you continually do this?
you told me that what you want out of me is to be happy.
what am i to do?
cause now i can't turn to you when i'm falling apart.
you want to push me away.
cause you're sick of me turning to you with all my problems.
you always tell me that you're just a call away.
you always tell me that you'll be there for me.
well i'm selfish.
i don't like sharing you.
and i need you.
i'm not her.
so don't treat me like her.
because i can't take it like she can.
i'm not as strong as this precious.
i want to make amends.
i want things to be alright.
for the both of us.
i want this mess out of the way.
but will you let it go?

i want it to end. just so you know. i'm tired of you hurting me. i want you to know that what you do sometimes really hurt me. i want us to be friends like we used to. before everything started out. before all the complications. why does simple things always have to be so damn complicated? i really don't want all of this. so why don we turn something complicated into something simple?
there are so many times when you confuse me to no end. the ring. the ____. what more do you want out of me. you expect me to be honest with you. did you give me a chance to? i don't want to tell you this over the phone. i want to tell you this face to face. so that you can see it in my eyes. exactly how hurt i am. and see how the tears fall down my face.
i want you to see this sean. i don't care who tells you about this entry.
but i want you to be the one to make the effort. because i always told you things even with out you asking.
so please.
maybe its for the sake of both or us. to make things right again.
take it as i'm begging.
i can't afford to lose this friendship
you know that i need to strenght from you.
please sean.
please precious.